This is not about why I enjoy kink, that’s a more complicated and nebulous question which I don’t have the time to write right now (not that I really have time for this either …) This is about what I get from kink that helps me in the rest of my life, which I can’t easily get elsewhere.
Honesty. The ability to share what I’m really thinking with other people. More than that, it enables me to feel things I struggle to accept on my own, it allows me to be more honest with myself.
One of my first scenes took place shortly after my previous long term relationship ended. I was struggling with depression and feeling very isolated at the time. During the aftercare I found myself breaking down, talking about things I had barely said to myself, let alone to anyone else. Yet there I sat, close to tears as I unloaded on this guy I’d just met. His support and acceptance touched me more than I can put into words. Not every partner or scene does this for me, but I treasure these connections wherever I find them.
Peace. When I play with someone my brain is quiet. I don’t worry about things that have happened or may happen in the future. I am truly in the moment, focussed solely on me and my partner. That peace is hard to come by for me, I find kink far more effective than meditation at finding that headspace.
Kink acts as a release valve for me. The acceptance of all kinds of people within the BDSM community, and the connections I’ve made within it, have helped me work through more issues and find more self-acceptance than any therapist I’ve tried before.
There is such incredible beauty in being so open and vulnerable, even when it is restricted to this part of my life. It has helped me grow as a person and become far more self confident.
The catharsis and peace I can achieve through kink have become important parts of my life.